Fiction

The Shopping Trip


 
A daring young lady called Holly

Once souped up an old shopping trolley

With turbos and rotors

Plus two massive motors,

And everyone said it was folly.

 

Though temperatures quickly were dropping,

She revved the thing up and went shopping.

She started all right,

But at a red light

She found she’d no method of stopping.

 

She sailed into Aldi and Lidl

Whose bargain bays – those down the middle –

Attracted her eye

So she, driving by,

Swiped socket sets, rugs and a griddle.

 

Ice covered the roads; it was snowing,

And – lacking a brake to aid slowing –

She skidded through Boots,

Grabbed seven Fruit Shoots

And treatment for toenails (ingrowing).

 

Determined to pinch jeans and frocks,

Food, wine and a big box of chocs,

She slid into Marks’,

Wheels showering sparks,

But only nabbed undies and socks.

 

For speed there was nothing to match her;

Cops followed but just couldn’t catch her.

She hurtled round Costa

And that’s where they lost her,

This motorised-trolley store-snatcher.

 

In Dunelm she stocked up on bedding,

And all inhibitions now shedding,

Went into a pub

In search of some grub:

Came out with champagne from a wedding.

 

On black ice, with all turbos blazing,

She gained a speed truly amazing.

Without any fear

She shot through IKEA

And two firms that sold double-glazing.

 

Then foolishly sticking her neck out,

She ploughed through a woodyard called ‘Deck Out’:

Hit a stone… clipped some logs…

Rolled the cart… popped her clogs…

Paid the price at the ultimate checkout.