Greedy Gertie guzzled cider
Every time she got the chance;
All the bubbles swelled inside her –
Now she’s floating over France.
‘Gin will lead to your undoing!’
Shirley’s mother always said.
Shirley stayed away from gin:
Died through drinking rum instead.
‘Vodka Victor’ he was called;
Vodka made poor Vic go bald.
Know the danger vodka harbours:
Drunken visits to the barber’s.
Lost both hair and head, poor sod.
Victor’s barber? Sweeney Todd.
J. Preece-Toff in hunting pink
Many stirrup cups would sink;
Thought that beer was just for oicks;
Went round shouting, ‘Halloo! Yoicks!’
One day, chasing after quarry,
Got mown by brewery lorry.
‘Drink’ll kill you,’ Myrtle said
To her drunken husband, Ned.
He pooh-poohed her; called her crazy;
Went off with a barmaid, Maisie.
Myrtle tracked him like a stalker;
Whacked him with some Johnnie Walker.
(Bottled.) Often. Round the head.
And, as blood from his veins fled,
Wronged teetotal Myrtle said,
‘Told you drink’d kill you, Ned.’
Picture source: William Hogarth